The Trips and Drips of our journey

The Trips and Drips of our journey

Have you ever felt more alive than now?

I had to ask this to know if this is the thing that connects us.
Life was so different...so normal....until............ I met you. Everything around me seemed meaningless except u. But ever since our current phase started, i miss u with every tick-tic of the clock, with every lub-dub of the heart, with every twinkle of the star & every time i breathe. The clouds of struggle started making me lose myself into the world of non-existence. 
Change is the harsh reality of life but when it really strikes, its even harsher. 

The fairy tale phase!

Baking for monthly anniversaries

Our marriage was no less than a fairy tale which started with all magical courtship fun, late night Skype calls, Whatsapp chats and exchanging photos & more! Thanks to the technology we could enjoy every bit of our long-distance phase in the best possible way. It was really like a dream come true! Marrying someone who actually existed in your dreams and exactly the way you had imagined every inch of him, yes it happened. 

The initial months were so beautiful and romantic! Mornings were busy as we had to rush for work and days were not normal anymore. Chatting and calling in between meetings was more fun than playing a video game. Waiting for the clock to strike 7 to embrace the existence of our love and exchanging hugs & kisses was like the best time of the entire day. Finally, team-up to make dinner and explore our hands at the kitchen was like an everyday battle. Surprising each other with small gestures, romantic texts, cooking special cuisines etc. and we were falling in love each day!

The best thing about our relationship is that we share everything be it everyday chores, gossips, emotions etc. and there is no Man-Woman stigma attached. We both believe in equality, team work and sharing our load with each other. It was more of a learning phase and getting accustomed to new people and things. We started knowing more about each other's likes and dislikes, habits and hobbies, passion and motivation etc. And we discovered our shared passion of Arts, cooking, writing, and travelling. These 3 things created a much-more intricate and deep passage into each other's heart. We created a list of places to visit and start our travel exploration. The first 2 years of marriage, we visited close to 60 places that includes 12 countries, 23 cities & more. Every trip made us explore something new about each other. It was like unveiling layers from our hearts to get to the real us! Some trips were adventurous, some were relaxing and few were crazy.

The trips and drips!

Welcome to the challenging phase! 

After 2 years of expedition, we started realizing that its time we need to put our bags somewhere and settle down. We started our research for the ideal place. There were different criteria from both sides to be considered such as distance from our home country, travel time, time difference etc. etc. and the list was long. And we decided on building a saving nest before we proceed further.
So, it all started with running behind our dream and chasing the so-called need of life "Savings". Its very easy to read lots of blogs that talk about saving money and quick ways to build savings. But in reality, its a big challenge to reach your financial goals. 

The journey to build savings started with cutting down on unnecessary stuffs and by that I meant travel! It was the phase of "no-more trips" so that we can save some dollars. We started evaluating our budget, income and expenses, etc. to understand our financial situation. 

On the other hand, the stress to save money covered up our sky like the black clouds. Giving a second thought to every expense we make, working on weekends, cutting down on entertainment costs etc. Things started to change, there was no time for each other. We were more busy on filling the blocks of money and forgetting to spend time together. It felt like we are losing each other and the relationship is fading. The burden of responsibility started taking over and we were too lost in our works that we could hardly talk to each other. 

Although we were chasing the same dream, it was difficult to deal with it on the other end. Initially, we had so much time for each other and now it was gone.We started fighting for petty things, losing control over emotions and not talking for hours. It was like an outbreak of emotional burst that was caused by something else. It was difficult to handle that stress and reality together. 
 I started feeling that we have become like the typical ones who just forget their love with each passing year. That thought kept wandering in my head and I started losing myself. I started looking for a let out to share my pain and I found solace in art. 

And the day finally came when we reached our financial goals and could breathe for a while. He started to do the things which he used to do before. I realized that it was just a phase and things won't change between us. This onerous phase gave us an opportunity to know how we deal with challenges and to unveil another layer. We started to see a different perspective of life that we both carry and how they both lead to the same destination "Unconditional Love".

Tough times may feel worse but they definitely teach something! So, wait for your phase to end to understand what you've learnt.

P.S: True love can sail through all storms!

Why we had to see this day?

Why we had to see this day?

Coiled around wires...honking machines....some disco lights blinking at you.. red, green, blue,white....everyone panicking around....few homo sapiens walking in white and the palest of all colors...the bright yellow bulb shining like the sun over the head....half awake half sleepy..... The only thought that pops up in your mind in the operation theater.... "Why I had to see this day?"

2100 Miles Away!

On the other end, 2100 miles away I feel strangled between wishes & reality... Not everything you wish can turn into reality!! The very moment I came across this news of my dad's heart surgery... World around me seemed to freeze! With all the boggling thoughts of "why, when, what, how" my mind was no way going to stop its quest.

And I decided, no matter what I would be there. But the ultimate supreme power had something else for me. Still I can't figure out why he made me sit aback with a feeling of helplessness.

The Telepathic Conversation!

I was miles away when I desperately wanted to be with my dad. Everything felt so annoying as I couldn't make it. I felt like talking to you and listening to your heart. But you were in the hospital and there was no way I could talk to you. All I can do is get updates about you every now and then, which was no way sufficient to calm the thunder storms in my brain! 

In the Operation theater!

Dear Dad,

Then there were moments of insomnia while you were lost in the world of dreams. I tried to find you in my dreams.... Just to have a glance of you. I wished and badly wished if telepathy could turn into a vision of the present!!

One question kept cropping into my wandering mind... " why we had to see this day?"  Some questions remain unanswered and that is the way of life.

All of a sudden things around me just vanished in a jiffy and I felt numb. And all I am left with is the darkness!!!!! Being a claustrophobic...I was panting & struggling for oxygen. A fear combined with anxiety & all the ludicrous feelings started to dominate over my mind. I feel a sudden chill in the atmosphere and the first thing that striked my mind "OMG!!!Gh...gh..ghost!!"  I started chanting all the mantras I knew ( that is how it happens in all horror movies ;) ). My father had taught this that if you get scared just pray and all your worries will fade away.

In few moments.... I could see something from far away... A ray of light & hope. As it started marching forward, it started to blur my vision and in moments I couldn't see anything. The light was extremely bright and getting exponentially brighter with reducing distance.
 I heard a voice " you can open your eyes now" . It felt like a familiar tone that I had heard before. Trying hard to concentrate on the database of voices in my head, I couldn't recollect so with a feeling of curiosity & eagerness to see the person...I opened my eyes slowly.

Astonished & amazed!!

Two deep intense black balls which had the view of the entire universe..."The Eyes".  Rest all I could see was "blue". It took me few minutes to have a full glance of him. The shining gold revolving chakhra looked as if it was sparkling with fire like a shower of shooting stars. His Majestic persona and charm of his grace, words may not be enough to describe him.

Stunned by his beauty I stood there dumbfound. The first thing that clocked in my mind "Am I dead??!!!" Before I could rephrase my question and ask , he said in a soothing tone " You don't have to die to see me; I am present everywhere you just have to realize that."

I wanted to start my brainstorming session with him as I was locked up with unanswered questions that created a web in my brain. He read my mind just the way he does all the time. He asked me to calm down, before I could speak.

The Reason!

For moments I just stood and listened to his words:

'Everything happens for a reason.'

Sometimes I can tell you the reason but most of the times I leave it to you to discover it. The search for the reason is the goal of your life. You are born to understand the meaning of your life. You cannot run away from anything that has been written in your pages of life. Each one of you have a different purpose in life and different way of living but the goal remains the same.

Anyone can be selfish but not everyone can be selfless. This should be the motto of life.

At this moment you are just stuck in your selfishness. If the same thing happened to someone else not related to you then you would not be in the same state like you are now. Give a thought on this... What kept you sleep deprived for long.

The Curious Question!

Why your father had to see this day...this is what you wanted to know? So here goes the answer. But before I unveil your answer I would like to tell you why I had come.

Sometimes people feel lost in darkness and I guide them through a ray of light but its up to them to follow the light or get scared of it.

When you were lost I guided you, but think how you reacted towards it. You could only think negative when I wanted to show you a path out of your trouble. You thought I was a ghost. This is the actual problem with everyone. Most of you have stopped trusting.

Your father had the faith but at times of testing even he started blaming me instead of realizing the reason. You should always remember the purpose of your life. You should have faith in me and the rituals but that is not your goal.

Your father has forgotten his goal just because he was tested at unfavorable situations. He lived the life following the goal of life till he got the result of his test. He was always selfless and thought of his family before his own wishes. The family had boundaries and enclosed with parents & siblings. Since all his selfless love went in vain he forgot about his own family. 

Your mother who has sacrificed all her wishes just for the sake of her family and never gave a thought on what she really likes. The selfless love of your mother which she failed to show could never reach your father's vision. He stopped believing in selfless love and got diverted towards selfishness.

I guided him many times but just like you he also saw it as negativity. Since he had got married and his family is complete with two children, his goal should be to love them the same way he loved his family. 

His responsibilities towards his own family should be the priority. This doesn't mean family should be the only priority. I wont say you should stop praying. It will guide you when you are lost and searching for a solution to your answers. It will also help you to find the path towards your ultimate destination.

There are few extra responsibilities towards your mother which your father had never given importance to. This test if for him to understand and analyze what is his goal and where is he lagging.

Suddenly I felt a little pain as if something heavy had fallen over me. My husband's leg crossed over mine and open my eyes, I was in my bed lying with my husband. A dream it was ....an everlasting dream!!!!